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The value of intimacy in your marriage

When talking about marriage intimacy, we first need to address this question: what is intimacy? Many people have different views on intimacy, with many seeing it simply as the physical act of love, but intimacy is much more than that. Being intimate comes in many forms, and the first, and most important form when beginning any relationship is through conversation. Before any relationship gets physical, it becomes intimate on a conversational level. You learn about the other person, and they learn about you. When you stop sharing hopes and dreams with your loved one, sharing feelings and real emotions, a level of intimacy has disappeared from your marriage. Ask yourself this: Are you close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving with your husband or wife? Do you ask who their day was? Listen to their problems & help solve them? Do you make plans together? Do you kiss? Hold hands? Hug? If the answer to most of these isn’t yes then you have problems that need addressing


Intimacy is all about connection. Human beings who are very much in love are connected on three levels: the mind, the body, and the soul. If you are only connected by the body, you really just have lust. If only by the mind, you really just have a friendship. If just by the soul, you really just have someone you deeply care about. All three must be in play to have a happy marriage, and all three must be in play to enjoy real intimacy. So connect in the mind by talking about ideas and passions you both share. Speak regularly about things you might enjoy doing together, places you might like to go and people you might like to meet. Never stop looking ahead, but never stop enjoying now. You can connect with the body by being more affectionate. Plan little treats for each other, have breakfast in bed, be more playful, all of which will encourage more intimacy in future. Connecting with the soul is showing you care, listening, sharing so much together and loving each other so much that deep down you feel so connected that you both combine together to make up one complete person.


Most relationships start off with lots of intimacy; this is commonly known as the ‘honeymoon’ period. The sad thing for many relationships is that this period not only ends, but is lost forever. Intimate marriages are those which can rekindle the ‘honeymoon’ period throughout their lives, as a constant reminder of why they are together. You can create greater intimacy in your marriage by being positive and grateful about what you have. Why not make a mental list when you wake up every morning about what you love about your husband or wife? Another way is to make time for intimacy. Why not turn the TV off and have a glass of wine, talk, and make love? Don’t be afraid to share your feelings. If you love each other, don’t be afraid to say it. Practise saying ‘I love you because…’ and really mean it. If you have a big argument, look to solve the underlying issue which caused it, don’t patch over it and move on, get to the root cause and sort it out, ensuring you move on and past it. This will bring you both closer together. So actively encourage intimacy in your marriage and make sure it happens, otherwise your relationship will be in decline.