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Tips for writing your vows #52

Any large task seems daunting and almost impossible when you look at it as a whole.  But, when broken down then pieced together after, suddenly that large task doesn’t seem so out of reach.

When it comes to writing your wedding vows, life-long promises and commitments to your partner, it’s pretty easy to feel overwhelmed and have no idea where to start.  All distractions aside, think about the fact that you are going to be directing your words to one person and that person is your biggest fan, best friend, lover, mother or father to your children and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Discuss whether or not you and your fiancé will write a vow together to share or write individual ones.  Set a guideline on how many words each of your vows should be (nobody wants to sit through an hour of vows, no matter how much they love you both).

Find some quiet time to focus and start with a list of all the things you love and admire about that person.  Try asking yourself a few simple questions and write the answers down, whether you think you will use them or not:

·   What is your favorite thing about them?

·   When did you know they were the one?

·   Why do you want to marry them?

·   What do you promise from yourself?  (This can be an improvement such as, “I promise to participate in our relationship, even when it might be hard.” especially if you have a tendency of shutting down during conflict.  As well as something more humorous like, “No matter how many books you get, or how many times we move, I promise to always carry them all.  Every time.”

·   Quotes (one you both already know, or from a poem, etc.)

·   Something cute or funny they do or any Quirks they might have?  (The way they subconsciously make “mmmm” sounds throughout a meal, or the way they squeak when they sneeze, rescue bugs that get trapped inside instead of squishing them, etc.)

Highlight your favorite points from your list and do some research; review poems, love stories, romantic movies or others vows.  You may want to consider starting your vow with a quote that sums up how you feel and sets the tone for the rest of the vow:   “A wise man once said, “Love is your soul’s recognition of its counter point in another”.  David, I promise…”

Decide whether you want to keep your vow straight forward:  “I promise to comfort you when the Falcons lose and celebrate with you when they win.”  Or if you want it to flow more like a story: “I remember once how I told you I did not believe in soul mates. I will never forget your reaction. Shocked and a little hurt that I did not think we were. But as time went by, your love made me believe.”  Work each of your top points then place them in a sequence to create your vow.

Remind yourself, when you have that inevitable moment where you question if your vow is good enough, that your vow is just that, yours.  How you feel and choose to say it is a reflection of you and your relationship.  Heck, it doesn’t even have to sound like a vow!  If you’d rather sing or rap it or make it into a sonnet, do it!  Obviously, consider if your spouse would be ok with it first but be creative if that’s who you are.  Be you!

Sources:

1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows

2) http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/07/how-to-write-wedding-vows/

3) http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-ceremony/articles/favorite-wedding-vows-from-real-weddings.aspx

4) http://weddings.about.com/od/yourweddingceremony/a/PersonalizeVows.htm